


How Ranger Chuck Fucked Up Christmas

by steelplatedhearts



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Christmas, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 20:39:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/944412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steelplatedhearts/pseuds/steelplatedhearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every Ranger down in the Shatterdome liked Christmas a lot.<br/>But Ranger Chuck, who lived just down under, did not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Ranger Chuck Fucked Up Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> I have no real explanation for this besides "a series of escalating dares." I'm so sorry.

Every Ranger down in the Shatterdome liked Christmas a lot.

But Ranger Chuck, who lived just down under, did not.

 

Chuck hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

 

It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.

It could be, perhaps, that his drive suit was too tight.

 

But I think that the most likely reason of all,

May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

 

Whatever the reason, his heart or his suit,

He sat on Christmas Eve, alone but for Newt.

 

“Raleigh’s making us sweaters,” the scientist cried,

“They’ve been knitted with care and decorated with pride.”

 

“I don’t want a sweater,” Ranger Chuck declared.

“They’re ugly and gross and the sleeves are too flared.”

 

“Fine, be a dick about it,” the scientist said.

“But don’t blame me when Mako hits you in the head.”

 

He left Chuck alone to his own devices,

Which included an unfortunate amount of vices.

 

He ripped down the mistletoe up in LOCCENT

And stuffed it down a nearby air conditioning vent.

 

The Christmas tree was the next thing to go,

Heading down the chute to the blackness below.

 

Down came the ribbons and tinsel and holly

Causing much sadness for poor Ranger Raleigh.

 

“You don’t like Christmas?” he asked with a frown.

“But I made you this sweater for when you feel down!”

 

The sweater was atrocious, tacky and lumpy,

So Chuck said, “Raleigh, that’s far too frumpy.”

 

BAM! Ranger Chuck fell with a groan

And saw Miss Mako with a sweater of her own.

 

“I _know_ you’re not insulting these sweaters,” she said, eyes flashing

“Or I may have to give you more of a thrashing.”

 

So Chuck pulled the sweater over his head,

His face turning a hideously bright shade of red.

 

At the Shatterdome Christmas party, everyone had a good time,

Even Ranger Chuck, who managed to unwind.

 

Mako gave him a hug as his dog Max gave him a lick,

And said “I’m glad you stopped being a dick.”

 

“Christmas is a time for us all to be better,

To be kind and have fun and wear ugly Christmas sweaters.”

 

(And what happened then? Why, in the Shatterdome they say

Ranger Chuck’s small heart grew three sizes that day.)


End file.
